The Philler

"A new daughter and a new cupbearer"

For the select few prestigious people privileged enough to have been around in 1994-1996, back when this paper was known as Newspeak, Philler was the weekly treat in the paper. And for many of us right now (read everyone unless you managed to stay at WPI for so long for one reason or the other), Philler was just a button on the Tech News website, which not that many people care for since they can grab a paper version just as easily anyway.

The irreverent column is back, and in order not to annoy our predecessors, the oh-so-marvellous-Laurel-and-Guinevere (O.S.M.L.A.G.), and to avoid royalty fees, we decided to change the name of the column. Instead of calling it Philler, the column is hereby dubbed The Philler. So now, hopefully we have made sure that whoever wrote Philler does not write The Philler, and whoever writes The Philler did not write Philler.

Ok, well anyway, Ganymede and I just finished weaving through the maze of tables and chairs in the fine dining establishment that is Morgan Commons, and we thought to ourselves, "whose idea was this anyway?" So, having nothing better to do, we came up with a top 10 list of food that DAKA-slash-Chartwell's feeds us 7 days a week. Let's see:

Top 10 Thingies DAKA-slash-Chartwell's Likes to Serve

10. Baked chicken
9. Chicken Cacciatore
8. Rice with Chicken
7. Chicken Marinara
6. Chicken à la King
5. Shredded chicken put on some bread
4. Chicken patty DAKA-style
3. Fried Chicken
2. Chicken Scampi

And now, the food that DAKA-slash-Chartwell's most likes to serve… (drumrolls please!)

1. Fruit Loops. Yum. They're fruity!

Which brings us to our next point. How many of you, upon returning from your winter break, were surprised that Burger King had vanished without a trace? I mean, imagine our shock, when we came down to the Wedge for our usual 99 cent Whopper, only to be greeted by a rack of steaming burritos. Not that burritos are lacking in taste or anything, it's just that we were in our Whopper mood. And then there's this name, Mexpress. Well that sure didn't help our appetite, so we turned tail and headed back to the Tech News office, Whopper-less.

Perhaps we should be telling you something more exciting. Lately, the ResServ has been recruiting RAs for next year. Rumor has it that there will be a "significant" number of vacancies to fill, and there are not as many applicants as the ResServ would like. It appears that for those brave fearless souls who filled in a form and submitted it, he/she actually has a one-third chance of being accepted this year, as opposed to the 1-to-6.02×10²³ odds from previous years. Beware of whoever runs the dorms next year…

And now, it's time for The Philler's "Picture of the Week". This week we have included the legendary photo of an anonymous girl with a pair of boxers on her head. We found this on the old Philler website. Allegedly this picture was addressed to the O.S.M.L.A.G. Anyway, here it is:

Before we wrap up the first column, here's a trick for everyone. Visit the newly renovated basement of Kaven Hall (see page ## in this week's Tech News). Go to one of the bathrooms, and you will find a button inside that says, "Push button to exit." Try and press it - it actually works! (Even though the water faucets don't.)

Well, it's back to our little holes with us until next week. Send all your grievances, complaints and general annoyances to technews@wpi.edu. Or venture down to the basement of Riley and shove it underneath the Tech News office door. You engineers out there should be smart enough to figure out.

P.S. Oh, by the way, we're going to preserve a little bit of tradition. For those of you who send in letters and get published, you will automatically be in the brand new super-duper The Philler's Phan Club - with a personal certificate and all that, y'know, wicket cool stuff to show off. So send your letters our way.