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The Philler
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by Persephone and Ganymede |
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"The fruit also rises"
We're back! Yes, Persephone and Ganymede are here and ready to serve (you do realize nothing we say here is serious do you? Oh, okay). Yes, it's a wonderful day here in Worcester, the wonderful-winter-wonder-land-of-slush-and-mud (W.W.W.L.O.S.A.M.). Looking at the clock, and seeing it was time for Physics III, I, the glorious Persephone, decided to skip it in favor of sitting around and being completely unproductive. Why, you ask? Why undermine this precious academic career, this wonderful opportunity granted to you by the powers that be? Because I'm lazy, that's why. Sitting around can actually be quite enlightening, especially when compared to a physics lecture. , so what better way to wallow away precious time than search for insane websites, and my, what a gem I dug up. It turns out that our esteemed friends, the Wedgerats™, have their very own digital abode. Feel free to visit http://www.wedgerats.org, and feel your intelligence slowly slip away. (Oh, did I say that?)
Yes, yes. Let's see now. On Thursday we received a letter from our first minion.... Err... phan.
A few years back, I had a letter printed in the original Philler. I requested a Philler Phan Club certificate, but never received one. How about you print this letter and send me a certificate for The Philler's Phan Club?
Ah, yes. For those of you who decided to sacrifice your humanity by staying here for more than five years, when Philler once graced its readers, there was a Philler Phan Club for those clever mortals who shared their witticisms in the form of letters. Those deemed worthy by the almighty writers would be given a boon: an official certificate into the awe-inspiring Philler Phan Club. Everyone else, of course, would be made slaves to our underlings... err... members! (mmmmm, slaves!)
But in any case, to our friend, we ask this: What in the world are you still doing here?? My goodness he should get a medal just for retaining his sanity after being here for so long, but anyway...
Praise, complaints, regret, and murder plans. What do these four terms have in common? Why, they are all typically addressed to Professors, of course! Which brings us to our wondrous-yet-meaningless-Philler-Reaseach-Project-of-the-month-for-those-who-actually-care (W.Y.M.P.R.P.O.T.M.F.T.W.A.C.). Preeeeesenting,
Top ten indicators of whether your professor is "good"*
- Your professor does not bring a barbed whip into class.
- Your professor does not maliciously change the text every term at random while raking in "commissions" from Tatnuck.
- Any of your required texts has the words "For Dummies" in its title.
- He does not have a pet Chihuahua whom s/he always talks about (definitely a black mark. Eek!).
- Your professor's eyes, even under close inspection, fail to occasionally flare into bright red, even when no one answers his questions.
- Your professor's class is at 8am and you do not need generous helpings of caffeine to survive the ordeal.
- Your professor invites you to a Friday night out to down a few brews.
- Your professor can do magic tricks (few fail to recognize the importance of a well-time magic trick in the glorious world of education).
- Works at WPI for the same reason you came here: To have a good time, damn it!
- The professor actually knows everyone's name. Miraculous isn't it? Who would've thought that could actually happen?!?
*Term relates to what students consider to be "good," and does not
take into account the occasional Satanic Professor™
Cha-Ching! Yup, that's right. In our Infinite Wisdom, we, Persephone and Ganymede, have uncovered that kernel of wisdom which is so obviously evident in every groovy teacher. Come on, now, who hasn't noticed it by now? The professors you don't like probably don't know your name any more than the Man on the Moon! But the prize-winning, ultra-enhanced professors will know a student's name right off the bat (Goulet, Zeugner, and Vaz, to name a few), or will at least make a devilish effort to try and learn it (good ol' Prof. Heaton). And of course, some of us have a great time taking advantage of these poor sods by giving them false names, heheh!! but anyway... We've probably all wondered at some point whether a professor knows our name or not. Well, next time you "wonder," put it to the test! Give them the ol' exam for once, and become your own personal Quality Assurance manager, to separate the gems from the dirt, to put it politely .
Oh dear, would you look at that? It's past our bedtime. And we can't have that, can we? So, while we hibernate under our rocks, skipping classes left and right, y'all can send us your own kernels of wisdom (preferably funny kernels!) to technews@wpi.edu and chances are, they will get publicized and the fortunate author entered into The Philler Phan Club, whereupon we will claim all rights to their souls. C-ya!
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