The Little Things...

'A word to the wise ain't necessary, it's the stupid ones who need all the advice.'

At one point, the Bible says, we all spoke the same language, and everyone was understood. But then the damn civil engineers tried to build a building to heaven (despite what the mechanical engineers told them), and brought about the many languages we hear today. Though "God" may have only had a few languages in mind, political correctness, hormones and the Worcester water have spawned such a diverse demographic on campus that no one can understand anyone else. So, in the interest of mutual communication, I have decided to translate this week's rant into the native language of some of W.P.I.'s more prominent sub-cultures.

Normal People:

One of the most important things happening on campus today is the upcoming completion of the Campus Center. Most students have a negative view of the center and are suspicions of the school's motives, most students having not been here when the center was planned. The center is scheduled to open by the start of D-term, but with that time fast approaching, it looks like they may not be able to get it up in time. Such issues as this have aroused much attention among the student body, and I, for one, would just like to hear the naked truth…have all the information laid out for all to view. For more information (accurate information, too) see the Campus Center spread in the center of this issue.

Stoners (those who have been stoned for so long that they no longer realize when they go to lecture with the remains of an inflatable chair stuck to their back, and wearing only an old pizza box):

Buzzzzzzzzzzzzz buzzzzzzz buz buz buzzzzzz buz buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz buzzzzzzzz. Buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz buzzzzzzzzzzzzz buzzzzzzz buzzzzzzzzz, buzzzzzzzzz buzzzzzzzzzzzz, buzzzzzzz buzzzzzzz. Buzzzzzzzzzzz buzz buzzzzzz buzzzzzz buzzzzz buzzzzzzzzzzzzzz buzz buzzzzzzzzzzzzzz buz. Buzzzzzzzzzzz buzz buzzzzzz buzzzzzz buzzzzz buzzzzzzzzzzzzzz buzz buzzzzzzzzzzzzzz buz. Buzzzzzzzzzzz buzz buzzzzzz buzzzzzz buzzzzz buzzzzzzzzzzzzzz buzz buzzzzzzzzzzzzzz buz. Buzzzzzzzzzzz buzz buzzzzzz buzzzzzz buzzzzz buzzzzzzzzzzzzzz buzz buzzzzzzzzzzzzzz buz. Buzzzzzzzzzzz buzz buzzzzzz buzzzzzz buzzzzz buzzzzzzzzzzzzzz buzz buzzzzzzzzzzzzzz buz.

Teaching Assistants [T.A.'s] (I really have no idea what language any of the T.A.'s at speaking, but it can't be English, or anything close. I have a theory that they are all trained to speak pig Latin with whatever accent they may have. If I am correct, this will make total sense):

Oneyay ofyay ethay ostmay importantyay ingsthay appeninghay onyay ampuscay odaytay isyay ethay upcomingyay ompletioncay ofyay ethay ampuscay entercay. Ostmay udentsstay avehay ayay egativenay iewvay ofyay ethay entercay andyay areyay uspicionssay ofyay ethay oolsschay otivesmay, ostmay udentsstay avinghay otnay eenbay erehay enwhay ethay entercay asway anedplay. Ethay entercay isyay eduledschay otay openyay ybay ethay artstay ofyay Ermd-tay, utbay ithway atthay imetay astfay approachingyay, ityay ookslay ikelay eythay aymay otnay ebay ableyay otay etgay ityay upyay inyay imetay. Uchsay issuesyay asyay isthay avehay arousedyay uchmay attentionyay amongyay ethay udentstay odybay, andyay Iyay, orfay oneyay, ouldway ustjay ikelay otay earhay ethay akednay uthtray…avehay allyay ethay informationyay aidlay outyay orfay allyay otay iewvay. Orfay oremay informationyay (accurateyay informationyay, ootay) eesay ethay ampuscay entercay eadspray inyay ethay entercay ofyay isthay issueyay.

Men ('nough said):

Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah COMMING blah blah blah blah blah. Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah, blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. Blah blah blah blah blah OPEN blah blah blah blah blah, blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah GET IT UP blah blah blah. Blah blah blah blah blah ARROUSED blah blah blah blah blah BODY, blah blah, blah blah, blah blah blah blah blah blah NAKED blah… blah blah blah blah LAID blah blah ALL TO VIEW. Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.

I hope this has brought us together as a community a little more, and opened the gates of communication. Good night.

Questions/ Comments/ Suggestions/ Cold Hearted Verbal Abuse? the_eye_of_odin@hotmail.com