The Pit

You can have it your way. We'll have it ours.

Aaugh! Gag alert! Two weeks since our existence and already we received an order to change the name of our column. This happens, of course, because of a letter from a certain person who will remain nameless. (Ganymede will try to resist the temptation to ... never mind.)

Well, our dear readers, we are told to switch the name of what little space we have in Tech News. Of course, as usual, we skipped our Diff. Eq. lectures in favor of carrying out this sacred procedure. The result? Let's just say that we started with the ABC's (read: argued, bickered, and compromised) before we came to an agreement. From now on, this column shall be named:

and shall be referred to as The Column Formerly Known As The *******.

This was, of course, just a joke. Actually, we'll just rename this column The Pit. Forget about that silly symbol...

As great observers of the unobserved, Persephone and I have an obligation in this. The C-Term show of the MWRep, Scots On The Rocks, actually opened on January 25 - Robert Burns Day. Robert who? you ask. Well, our dear friends, Robbie is not only the national poet of Scotland, and also the dude who gave us that famous Auld Lang Syne, the song we all sing while getting drunk, over and over again, off-pitched and way too loudly, till our heads drop on New Year's Day. Now Robbie would be 242 years old if he were still alive; ain't that a great excuse to throw a little party or two or what?

By the way, great show. (If only I could resist yelling the name MacBeth during the performace. They should have stabbed me with those props.)

Everyone noticed it. Everyone admired it. Everyone is burning with rage of envy, trying to think of ways to destroy it. Of course, I am talking about the snow fort that is erected in front of Salisbury Labs, as well as the two giant snowballs 10 yards away. Now how do we know if it is not one of the stunts the administration pulls to accomplish yet another one of their plans to make the lives of students more miserable?

Top Ten Uses of the Mysterious Snow Fort and Snowballs Outside Salisbury Labs

11. Inspiration for top-ten lists in a stupid column.
10. Picture of the week! Perfect item to fill up (read: waste) column space on Tech News.
9. Name it as one of our monuments: The P****** **ortress. (That name switch of course means that we have to forfeit this to somebody else.)
8. Why hasn't anyone thought of building an igloo there instead?
7. To show the administration what award-winning buildings should look like. (unlike Kaven Hall)
6. It would make a good wading pool when spring comes around.
5. A great new food stall owned by Chartwells-slash-DAKA, serving, um, Italian Ice!?
4. New lab for thermo-physics class - calculate the latent heat of fusion of a snow fort.
3. A place where we can legally vandalize with smiley faces and flowers with pink spray paint.
2. Hear ye, hear ye, there stands our new Campus Center!
1. Snow fights, of course. What else did you think a snow fort is for?

And oh, have you heard? Those evil souls at Tech News are putting together a Valentine's Day Issue again. They have been waiting all year round for this very moment to remind your of how very little chance there is to actually get a date here at WPI. (Just shut up if you already have someone.) Everyone becomes a bunch of sour grape. To make things even worse, they are planning to jump right in front of your face and ask you to write a personal ad. Hold on… what better time than this to rant away your internal bitterness? Write something along the lines of "Who needs a freaken boy/girl anyway?"

Hmm... Are you still reading? Well, we'll just do you a favor and end this week's column right now, since we don't want to submit our beloved readers to too much torture (that, and we're lazy to write anymore right now), so send all your flames, as well as the occasional compliment, to technews@wpi.edu.

p.S. Make way for the oh so marvelous Laurel and Guinevere who have returned for this issue of Tech News! I think we have genuinely ticked them off, alongside some of their companions. Our sincerest apology to them. I wish they would realize that we do admire them in the most truthful fashion, and meant the best intent when we started this.