The Little Things...

"When I die, I want to go quietly in my sleep like my grandfather, not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car." - Jack Handy

The third tower has come…all will run in fear before the coming apocalypse! Stockpile your weapons, gather up the food, barricade the doors and protect the women folk! The terror that will follow the construction of the campus center shall be great. All students will serve as slaves to the great "Center Triumbret" and will live or die by the whim of Grand Czar McLaughlin. The Triumbret has already begun to produce hunter-killer robots using captured files from the F.I.R.S.T. team that will soon be begin enforcing the will of Grand Czar McLaughlin to the far reaches of campus. Is there any hope, you ask? Where is Skull in this dark time and can't they stop this horror? Is there anything we can do to stop you from using any more "Terminator" references? The answers are, there is but one hope, Skull Tomb lay in ruin and its members have gone into hiding, and that was my last reference, for a while anyway.

The one hope is to stop this sleeping terror before it can be allowed to fully mature and spawn its evil brood. There must be a messiah to keep the glimmer of hope alive and lead students through this coming darkness. A reluctant one shall step forth from the administration to champion the cause against the evil Grand Czar McLaughlin. That brave sole, the one destined to be a martyr of the cause, is the one known as "Happy Clay". If the students trust in his divinity, and follow him, he will lead us to victory over the forces that would strip us of our rights and dignity as students. Though the road shall be a long and harsh one, a plan has been devised to facilitate our victory.

Do not visit the Campus Center!! This is essential. Without the students visiting the center, the Grand Czar will not be able to capture enough slaves to implement his plans. The only hope for the survival is to leave the Campus Center as barren and lifeless as The McLaughlin would leave our blessed beautiful campus should he come to power. You must listen to me! For The Love Of God, Do Not Visit The Campus Center!! This is the only way, you must believe me! I am the voice of warning. Why am I telling you all this, being the fore bringer of doom, calling for the abandonment of our Campus Center? Hey, you get an open pool table your way, and I'll get one mine.

Note: The Tech News staff would like to go on record as stating that they do not fear Jim McLaughlin nor do they think he is an evil warlord lying in wait for the right time to kill us.