All of the negative thoughts we have about ourselves are like a tape that plays in our head over and over and over again. Often times we are not aware that these tapes are playing, they play on automatic and these thoughts can kick into high gear when we are feeling most vulnerable. This in turn beats us down, making us feel even worse about ourselves. How, then, can we find any value in who we are when we cut ourselves down? It is often our own self-judgment and self-rejection that can cause us the most pain. People call this by many names: low self-esteem; low self-confidence; insecurity. What it boils down to is that we may not like ourselves, or at least a part of ourselves.
How does low self-esteem affect our lives? It can happen in many ways. Matthew McKay and Patrick Fanning in their book, Self-Esteem, say, "You limit your ability to open yourself up with others, express your sexuality, be the center of attention, hear criticism, ask for help, or solve problems." This affects our social lives as well. How can we expect someone else to like us when we don't like ourselves? This insecurity and self-judgment is projected out into the world, it is an energy that other people pick up on. Does your self-esteem play itself out in your friendships, intimate relationships, school, job, sports? Does it keep you away from other people or locked in front of your computer? Do you go home over the weekend to avoid interacting with others? Are you drinking or doing drugs to numb the feelings?
Low self-esteem can also come out as anger, bitterness, and intolerance towards others. Intolerance of people, their lifestyles, their thoughts, their ideas may be a way that we show an intolerance or dislike of ourselves, our thoughts, our ideas. Do we cut other people down because they may be different from us? Do we judge others first before they can judge us? Or, do we judge ourselves and reject ourselves first so that others cannot hurt us?
Being on a college campus we constantly see people walking around with backpacks slung over their shoulder. Imagine that these backpacks are filled with the automatic, negative thoughts we say to ourselves, or the hurtful words said to us by others, or the labels we were given as we were growing up. Now imagine that these backpacks are invisible, even to ourselves. You might become slumped over from the weight of the pack and not even know why. After carrying this stuff around for a while you'd start to get tired, your body would get sore, your mind fatigued.
Certainly, not everyone is carrying around a full backpack. Even a little weight on your back can throw you off balance at times.
Has the time come for you to see what is in that backpack? Are you ready to open it up and look at the junk you have accumulated over the years? Maybe this is the first step in feeling better about yourself ? You won't know until you try.
Low self-esteem can be built up and improved in several ways, one of which is the personal counseling process. There are people available to talk to for help and advice but, you have to make the first step.
If you want to set up a time to talk this over with someone at the Counseling and Student Development Center stop by our office at 157 West St., or call 831-5540, or e-mail me personally at dcallen @ wpi and leave a phone number to call you back.
Give feedback: newspeak@wpi.wpi.edu