Last week's article touched on an issue that I have had a particular passion for and a great stake in the relationship between fathers and sons. Tonight, at 6:30, the Counseling and Student Development Center is hosting a conversation about fathers and sons. The location is on posters and probably somewhere else in Newspeak. If you are interested in sharing stories and gaining some insight in your relationship with your father or son, you ought to stop by.
I am at that unique age where I am both a son and a father and all three of us are adults. So talking about the most unique and special relationship that men have is very central to my life. And since I may not make the meeting tonight, allow me to share a few thoughts.
One reservation I have about having an audience of mostly 18-22 year olds was echoed in last week's column on fathers and sons. Being 18 or 22 may not be a time when you are ready or even equipped to discuss your relationship with your father. There is so much energy and time used to figure out who you are as a man, it is hard to have any objectivity or patience to understand where one's father is coming from.
I am a perfect example, though the circumstances for my father and I were different. There was a war on; The Vietnam War. My father flew 35 missions as a pilot of a B-17 bomber and believed that when our country called, we must answer. I was a college kid who believed the Vietnam War was unjust and that my patriotic duty was to oppose the war. I dropped out of college for a semester to work for Bobby Kennedy so we could elect someone president who would end the war. My father felt I was throwing my life away. My father believed the Ohio National Guard was right to fire into a crowd of protesting college students at Kent State, killing 4 students; I believed it was murder.
For the next five to six years, we barely spoke a word to one another. My mother tried to intercede, but we both ignored her. It was not until my son, my father's grandson was born did the barriers between us start to come down. As the years went by, I think we both began to realize that our differences were not so great that they should get in the way of our loving one another.
I began to be more patient with this man who had given me life and raised me to be man of my own. I can still remember one day a few years ago when a B-17 was at the Worcester airport. From my father's stories, I always thought he flew this great big bomber, like a 747. As we stood in that small plane by today's standards, I realized just how courageous my father had been flying this plane over enemy territory 35 times. I suddenly realized that I could never fathom what he went through, going through and surviving combat. My father was one of those heroes who President Clinton said, "saved our world."
There is an old fable which goes that at 18 I thought my father knew nothing and at 35 I realized that he knew everything. While both stages are extremes, they do reveal some truth. At 49, I have a deep love and appreciation for my father as a man and as my father. But I had to work to achieve that understanding; and my father had some work to do too on our relationship. Now a week does not go by that I don't call him. Time and patience and life experience gave us a second chance to be close. For that, I am eternally grateful.