Originally entitled Insanity and Gibberish in Thrilling 3-D, this tale has now come to be known as Stuff that Happened to Thing #5. In this exciting second episode, Thing is reunited with his long lost friend Hwango the Indistinct. There is no first episode, but the reader may feel free to extrapolate a likely set of events that may have occurred previously to fill in the gap. Any mistakes you may find in this story are a product of the unique process by which it was created, and just add to the originality and character of the story. Do not read this story when drunk, or it could make sense.
"Hwango!" Thing exclaimed, "How did you know to be there just then, so that when I decided to open the door you'd be standing there? Are you psychic?"
"No. I'm psychic." said Hwango. "Now, let me in, so I won't be outside."
"Hwango, did I just explain something to you?" Thing exquired. "And what the heck is exquiring?"
"I have no idea, Thing. I thought maybe you were being sophisticated or something. Maybe there's something wrong with your character," Hwango said.
"That goes without saying," Thing exploded. "Cleverly changing the subject, what brings you here after so very many years?"
"A bus. Can I come in now?" Hwango asked. "It's extremely hot out here."
"That's because you're standing in my moat of molten lava. Wipe your feet, I don't want it to stain the carpet." Thing expired. "Why have you come here?"
"This episode is in desperate need of rewriting, and I've come to see what changes I can make. So far I've managed to cause this episode to almost make sense, which may suck in new readers." Hwango explained. He wiped his feet, and moved into Hwango's living room.
Thing had known Hwango ever since they'd met. Hwango had found Thing sleeping in his chair and had decided to rob him of all his possessions. Thing was awakened when Hwango attempted to steal the chair. The resulting conversation was simply too terrifying to put into print. Suffice to say, however, that they have since become close friends.
"May I borrow some money, Thing?"
"I will ignore that for the sake life as we know it. Pass the ketchup."
"That's some pretty random dialogue you're spouting, Thing." Hwango observed. Thing glared at him.
"That's the whole point of the story, Hwango. Pointless, unintelligible gibberish. And I must say, you make entirely too much sense. Say something warped, or I'm kicking you out," Thing injected.
"You'd throw me out of your house?" Hwango said, shocked.
"No, I'll throw you out of the story. By killing you off." Thing rendered ominously.
Tune in next time - you'll see Hwango talk his way out of annihilation! Or, decide you'd rather gnaw off your arm than read any more of this, and... gnaw your arm off, I guess.