He had traveled through time and back again, conquered troubles with tribbles, vanquished rhinestone-eyed monsters from a dozen planets. Nevertheless, James T. Kirk remained an unsatisfied man. He knew the source of his anguish lay somewhere in his opening monologue about the Enterprise's five-year mission, but he couldn't quite pinpoint the problem. Thinking of his writing as "ill" (and here was his first mistake - an inappropriate metaphor), he sought a cure for his worrisome writing in Sick Bay.
"Bones, can you help? I've got something written, but it just doesn't sound right."
"Dammit Jim, I'm a doctor, not a rhetorician."
The demoralized captain turned reluctantly to his First Officer: "Spock, please. You must help me."
But the imperturbable Vulcan offered little solace. "The logical choice, Captain, is to seek writing help from writing tutors - strong writers who have had additional training in tutoring writing."
Unfortunately the Enterprise, despite all of its technical magic, had no place, and Kirk had to beam back in time to our own small corner of the galaxy, the WPI Writing Center, where a trained peer tutor helped him.
"Let me read this to you, Jim. Tell me how your writing sounds: 'SPACE. The Final Frontier'."
Kirk merely smiled. His own words had a pleasant ring to them. The tutor finished the monologue, then began: "I really like that opening line, Jim - 'SPACE.' Great. I'm not sure exactly what your thesis is, however." The dialogue continued for the hour-long appointment as Kirk and the tutor negotiated Kirk's thesis and discussed ways to support it.
Kirk thanked the tutor with a knowing grin. "You've done a great job, really. I have just one more question: What about my grammar? I still feel there's something wrong."
"Well, Captain, there is one small error. You say, 'To boldly go' and when you do that, you're splitting the infinitive, 'to go.'"
"AHA!" [loud Shatner laugh] So I should say, 'BOLDLY to go' or 'To go Boldly'?"
"Exactly. See, you can split an atom and you can split yourself into your passive and aggressive natures, but you really shouldn't split an infinitive."
Earthdate March 16, 1998. The Writing Center, located in SL134, has a new electronic scheduling system that brings us to the 21st century. You can schedule an appointment and access helpful writing links through http://www.wpi.edu/Academics/Depts/HUA/WC. We're open MTRF 10-12; 12:30-4:30 and W 12:30-4:30. You can also just drop in to talk introductions or transitions or Janeway. We love to talk writing and to help. And only a few of us have pointed ears.