I am here to warn you of the perfect woman. There is actually more than one of them; At least one for each perfect guy. Believe me, I know how much this sounds like a Hallmark card, but bear with me. You might learn something from my idiocy. I happen to be male, so I'm going to speak out directly to the guys, particularly those of you who doubt the myth and the legend of...the perfect woman. Of course, the women out there might pick up something useful, too.
So here's the rub; I realized one day that there are a lot of us out here just mulling around aimlessly wondering what's wrong with the women around here, or perhaps even what's wrong with us. At the time, I was involved with the girl of my dreams: No problems there. Actually, she was perfect, in all the right ways. Hair dyed red; petite and rebellious; stubborn and melodramatic; eccentric taste in shoes. These are a few of my favorite things. Previous to meeting her I had sat down and pictured EXACTLY what I was looking for and miraculously I had found her. Of course, I fell in love; hard. I wrote letters. I sent flowers. I drove 300 miles to see her for a weekend. I was stupid, and in love. In far too many ways to be good for me, I still am. The sound of her name still wrings out my heart and the fact that I'm too weak to pull her photo out of my wallet kills me more every day.
We broke up New Year's Eve; late in a strange afternoon full of awkward conversation and unnatural behavior. She brought up the subject about how she thought we'd moved too fast; how we'd never been friends before being whatever it was we were. It quickly turned into a waterfall of everything I hadn't said and a lot of nodding and feigned happiness. I told her she was everything I had and hadn't looked for and that I loved her no matter how much she didn't want to hear it. I told her how much I wanted her and that I understood that I was far from the perfect guy for her. She hates to shop and likes football; we have never had anything in common.
You see, that is one of the biggest things I loved about her. I realized early that we were pretty different from each other, but as time went by we found that we had absolutely nothing in common. I like to travel; she didn't like long car trips. I love to try new things, especially exotic foods. She once tried a sandwich to humor me, but gave up on it. I like to be perfectly frank. She was private.
Opposites attract, I suppose. My reasoning was "Hey! If I could find a girl who was my total opposite, we could do everything together!" Ah, but my stupidity precedes me. Anyone can see it doesn't work that way. It was, moving with the theme, the exact opposite. We had nothing to talk about, we never had similar thoughts about anything, and basically, if we were a symbol, we'd be an arrow pointing out the back door, over the garbage cans and into oblivion; swish, no points.
That's tough. If we'd met under different circumstances, we would have hated each other. Neither of us really laughed when that came up New Year's Eve.
So we began the new year single, but with one more "friend" than we had only hours earlier. Three months later, that fell apart, too. This time it was my call. I couldn't stand lying to her on a regular basis, so I decided to tell her just what a lousy friend I was.
Here I am. No "Happily ever after..." for this particularly lucky guy. Why am I lucky? Besides having my phone bill back in the double digits, I actually found what I was looking for: The notorious perfect woman. And, I lost her because I was myself. But, I found out what was wrong with my pain, and maybe you can benefit from this, too. So, here's my gift to you.
You can read a thousand books on how to be a better lover. You can woo, charm and do the best anybody's ever heard of. You can spend all your money, write award-winning poetry, and smell great to 3 out of 4 eligible women, but still lose the one you want to love more than life itself. You just have to keep in mind that you're not the only one who has met failure the face of seemingly good odds and beat yourself silly with it. But listen, if you're just being yourself and do everything you can to try and make it work; perfection. Because, to be perfectly honest, if you aren't connecting and you're just being your own unique self, face it, she's not "your" perfect woman. Get out there and find her.