Sexual Assault - Advice for Men and Women

Preventing Sexual Assaults in Social Situations

There are certain contributing factors that repeatedly surface in acquaintance rape situations, such as:

• ineffective communications
• the use of drugs and alcohol
• sex role stereotypes

Men and women should understand their rights to be free from harm, and the legal consequences that increasingly fal upon persons who compel sexual relations by force or threat of force. Understanding some of these factors can help prevent sexual assaults.

Advice for Men

• If by force or threats, you compel a person to have sex against his or her will, even if you know the person or have had sex with him or her before, you are committing a rape.
• Avoid excessive use of alcohol and drugs, as they interfere with clear thinking, effective communication and your ability to respond in your own best interest.
• Being turned down for sexual relations is not necessarily a rejection of you personally. A person who says "no" to sexual relations is expressing his or her unwillingness to participate in a specific act at a specific time.
• Accept a person's decision. "No" means "no." Don't read in other meanings.
• Don't assume that just because a person flirts or dresses in a manner you consider "sexy" that he or she wants to engage in sexual relations.
• Don't assume that previous permission for sexual relations means a person is under a continuing obligation to have sex with you.
• Don't assume your date wants the same degree of intimacy as you.
• Rape is a crime of violence. It is motivated by the desire to control and dominate, not solely by sexual desire.
• Don't make statements that imply forced sexual demands.
• Don't assume spending money on a date entitles you to sex.
• Don't allow others to attempt forced sex with another person.
• Remember: People who have been sexually traumatized carry this pain with them for the rest of their lives.

Advice for Women

• Say "no" when you mean "no." Communicate your limits clearly. Say "yes" only when you mean "yes." Know what you are feeling and express yourself clearly.
• Be assertive. Submissive behavior can encourage sexual aggression. Passivity might be misinterpreted as permission. Be direct and firm with someone who is pressuring you sexually. If someone starts to offend you, respond promptly and firmly. Overly polite approaches might be misunderstood or ignored.
• Avoid excessive use of alcohol and drugs. Alcohol and drugs interfere with clear thinking, effective communications, and your ability to respond in your own best interest.
• Pay attention to what is happening around you. Attend large parties with friends you can trust and agree to look out for one another. If you feel threatened, don't be embarrassed to ask for help or to leave.
• Trust your intuition. If you feel you are being pressured into unwanted sexual relations, don't hesitate to express your unwillingness, even if it might appear rude.
• Be cautious of or avoid dating someone who displays extreme hostility anger, jealousy, or possessiveness or who pushes you around.
• Think ahead about getting home. Be prepared when you are away from home to be able to leave a situation if you need to. Coordinate plans with friends and arrange transportation. Always carry enough money for cab fare.