Balancing work and life also balances me

Parents everywhere are heading into their 10th consecutive week of staying at home, balancing virtual careers and suddenly becoming pre- or K-12 homeschoolers. The juggling act that is having a career while raising small humans may look very different in the age of COVID-19, but we are no stranger to this age-old conundrum.

With 74% of mothers to children under 18 working today (US Department of Labor, 2018), balancing the demands of a career with those of raising a family is a common dialogue. It’s not always a positive one though. Being a working mother – or parent – is typically framed as an impossible juggling act, a never-ending tug-of-war.

Being both a mom and a new professor, my days seem to fit that description. Whether back when things were normal or with this new COVID-19 “normal,” my day resembles a constant game of tag-you’re-it. My husband and I used to alternate driving back and forth between our home, preschool, and my university. We now shuffle the kids back and forth from my home office to his as we each try to maintain a career while also providing educational activities to our daughter (3) and our son (1).

Under any circumstances, it’s hectic. But it’s also healthy and enriching for us all. I’ve reappraised the task of balancing my home life and my career as an opportunity to nurture all sides of myself. On even my most unglamorous days filled with exploding diapers and tantrums, I get to be intellectually stimulated by my research projects and inspired by my students’ perspectives. On the most tedious and stressful workdays, I can’t wait to hear my son’s giggle as I pretend to eat his chubby cheeks and to scoop up my daughter as she runs into my arms yelling, “I missed you, Mommy Ana” (we all have nicknames from Frozen).

The relationship between my career and my family is bidirectional. I fill each role better because of the time I invest in the other. My workplace and my children also benefit: I am more disciplined and productive during my hours working, and I am more patient, energetic, and creative when I’m with my children – especially as I’m currently stumbling my way through a Frozen 2 piano book to play the songs for my kids.

I cherish this balance, but I get criticism from both sides. Other professionals say I can’t do my job without childcare for my infant. Or worse, I’m tanking my career by having kids. But I was also mom-shamed when I enrolled my toddler in daycare part time. At times, the disapproval gets to me. I feel guilty for not being with my kids 24/7 and for not doing more for my career. I simultaneously covet the social capital of the stay-at-home moms and the prowess of professional women without children.

As a scientist, I have to remind myself that the guilt cannot stand up to the facts. While working moms do spend less time with their children, they spend more quality time with them; time engaging in structured activities, like arts and crafts or playing music, which positively promote child development (Hsin, 2014).

Being a working mom may even benefit your children. For instance, a study of working moms around the world found that their children grew up to be just as happy as those whose mothers didn’t work (McGinn, 2019). This research also found that daughters of working moms were more likely to be employed as adults and to be employed in supervisory roles with higher incomes. And my favorite part – sons of working moms grew up to spend more time caring for their own families (something I hope to instill in my own little boy).

That’s not to say that I am against the stay-at-home mom. Actually, I admire her. So does most of the United States, as 60% of us believe children do best with a parent at home (Pew Research Center, 2014). I also see myriad practical benefits of staying at home, like having greater control over your family’s schedule and being there for all your children’s needs and milestones.

Even when there isn’t a global pandemic, staying home is certainly best for some. But for others, for me and my family, work-life-balance is essential. My point is not one in favor or against any parenting model. Instead, I want to reframe how we think about the working mom and the concept of work-life-balance. Work-life-balance isn’t necessarily a never-ending struggle. Instead, it can be a gift; it’s the Zen that comes from nurturing and balancing the many sides of ourselves.

Angela Rodriguez is an assistant professor of social science a policy studies at WPI.